10 Video Game Studs I would Go Gay for: Part 2

Here it is.

The moment all 2 of you have been waiting for! Me talking about being gay some more!

5: Marcus Fenix from Gears of War. Power. Raw Power. Marcus Fenix is the personification of the term “ramming someone.” If you want a true sexing, go no further Marcus Fenix is the man for the Job. Try not to get too attached or he’ll leave you behind at Wendy’s crying and begging for more. Sometimes a man has to put duty over pleasure.

-True Love-

4: Sam Fischer: Sam Fischer is a mixed bag. His work has taken over his life. You can definitely see this in his sexual tactics. He’s tough, quick and ruthless. He’ll be done with you before you even knew he was there. If you’re into that sort of stuff, it can be the most gratifying sexual experience you’ve had. If not, you better remember your safe word.

-He forgot his-

3: Gordon Freeman from Half-Life. Mr. Freeman, the king of relatively meaningful FPS experiences and possibly the bedroom. Just like his creators paid attention to detail so will he. You’ve got an Itch? He’ll scratch it. You’ve got pipes that need cleaning, Internet that needs fixing, Anal Sex to be had? He’ll take care of all of it. AT ONCE. Watching him make love is almost more entertaining that actually making love to him. Truly this man is incredible. Maybe one day he’ll actually talk to me.

-He’ll even teach your kids how to dance like a true man-

2: The Entire Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 Cast from Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Call of Duty is a gay man’s wet dream. The only women in the entire game are slaughtered at the very beginning. With no women interfering we can only imagine what happens outside of the battlefield. Orgy upon orgy, gallons and gallons of semen…it’s a wonderful world.

-

He’ll give you the (Anal) mustache ride of your life.-

1: DØg from Half Life 2. By god. Look at it. …It’s perfect.

-All it takes is one swing and she’s out of the way-

R.I.P. Frank The Goomba

Friends, Family, Loved Ones, I wish that I was coming before you today in better circumstances but alas I am not. We gather here today to mourn the loss of a great friend and a great father. Frank was one of the good ones, he never complained about the mundane nature of his work or the fact that the scenery didn’t change much but every single morning you’d find him progressively moving towards the left side of the screen. In fact, Frank might have just been the best goomba in the entire mushroom kingdom! Today is truly a dark dark day for all of goomba kind. So here I am with the unfortunate task of delivering Franks eulogy and telling you his entire great legacy.

For those of you still not in the know Frank went to work last Thursday like any other day and took his position and then slowly but surely began to move towards the left side of the screen. That’s when everything went wrong. All of a sudden that menace of our great kingdom Mario showed up and started walking towards Frank and as the two were about to make contact and Frank would have had the upper hand that dirty plumber pulled a sucker punch and jumped! That’s right he jumped right into the air and landed on poor Franks head and ended Franks life and Bonnie and Frank Jr.’s hopes of ever seeing their father again.

Frank grew up the child of a single mother and in a very poor household. His mother was a goomba of class who had been through some hard times. Frank helped out his mother as much as he could but she was a strong goomba and very supportive of Frank so he was off to school.

At Bowser University he majored in moving to the left as many of us did, he struggled with his classes but kept at it. It was only later that he found out he had a learning condition and that’s why he always wanted to move to the right in his classes. He overcame his struggles and graduated at the top of his class and his mother was there in the front row and was the proudest goomba in the whole kingdom.

After college Frank searched all over the mushroom kingdom for a job, however the kingdom had fallen on rough times and it was hard to come across a good job. As we all know the coin at that time just wasn’t worth as many points as it once was. So Frank kept at it and kept at it and was determined and he finally got a job and stage 1-2. I remember asking Frank what the toughest part of his job was and I’ll never forget what he told me, he said “The hardest part? It’s the same part that we all find so difficult, looking so pissed off all the time” And it was on that very stage that Frank me the love of his life, a beautiful goomba names Gwyneth. Frank and Gwyneth fell in love and went on to get married and form their very own family. Frank was a lucky goomba to say the least.

Frank was cut down in the prime of his life but he wouldn’t want us to all be moping around here. Frank had a passion for life and a passion for serving our great leader Bowser. Frank was the best at what he did and died doing what he loved to do. So brothers and sisters let us not be sad and depressed let us remember the good times and celebrate the life of what was truly one of the mushroom kingdoms greatest goombas ever. Like Frank once said “Life is short, you just gotta take it one step to the left at a time and live it to the fullest.”